My beautiful niece.

1 April 2006

It wasn't until my niece was born that I began to think about my pain again. Holding that gorgeous person in my arms, my heart ached with longing. All I could think of nothing but having my own childs tiny figures clasping mine as I nestled it into my bossom.

As I spent more and more time with my niece people kept commenting on how natural I was with her. How comfortable I looked with her and how relaxed she became when I held her. I began to feel that womanly need for a child. I kept thinking about how amazing a mum I would be. And I know I would be great.

Yet that pain was still there and had actually gotten worse since I had last spoke to my GP about it. So I booked myself in for another appointment. Determined this time to get a proper answer.

14th April 2006

Again the GP expressed his half hearted concern. This time he decided to change my Pill and send me for some hormone tests. His thought was that a hormone imbalance was causing painful ovulations. Not sure I can really explain that one myself, but thats what he thought. So agin I trusted him and went for ome blood tests.

21st April 2006

I phoned the doctor surgery for the results of my tests. Hoping that this would be the answer and we could work on fixing it.

Sadly no, everything was fine. No more, no less was said.


I began to think that maybe this was all in my head. Was constantly thinking about this pain actually making it worse? They say that about things like toothache, "Don't think about it too much or it will just hurt more."

So I tried again to forget about it and just get on with my life.