11th September 2008
So this pain is definately getting far worse, alongside the agonising stomach cramps I'm getting severe lower backache. It has gotten to the point where I can neither stand or sit down when these pains attack. It is not something I can try and ignore.
I am also getting far more concerned about my fertility. My brother's son is due in 5 weeks, again I feel that emptiness in the pit of my stomach, that strong yearning for a child.
I am ashamed to admit that I purposefully forgot to get my contreceptive injection renewed and continued to have sex with my boyfriend. All in the hope that I might fall pregnant. After two months of continuous sex, nothing! So I went back onto the Pill.
I decided to make another appointment with my GP, see if he will do anything this time.
15th September 2008
So I went to see my GP. Again he expresses his concern about my problems. We end up spending about 15 minutes talking about my Cycle and all of my symptoms, exactly the same as before only worse. Now he is thinking that maybe it is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, and decides that I need to have an internal examination, AGAIN! So I book myself in for an appointment with the female doctor. Not sure I really want him poking around down there again.
17th September 2008
I laid back on the bed and spread my legs for this female doctor, expecting the cold metal thingy they use for smears, but no, she decides it will be better to feel my insides for herself! Nice. She told me that she could not feel any large masses but that didn't mean there weren't smaller ones. She thought that maybe my pains were due to muscle spasms and prescribed me Buscopan, an antispasmodic. I think this is a load of bullshit myself. But I will take the tablets and see if they work.
19th September 2008
Back at the doctors again. I'm sure he is going to get fed up with me. But I just can't let this carry on any longer. He agrees to send me for another ultrasound scan. Hopefully they will find something. PCOS isn't that bad and the symptoms can be dealt with.
26th September 2008
I literally almost wet myself at the hospital today. What is it with them demanding you drink to pints of water an hour before. I have the tiniest bladder ever, and it's not clever to put a water despenser in the waiting lounge. I was walking around with my legs crossed, trying not to wet myself. Very embarrassing.
Any way, my ovaries were clear. Perfectly normal. So I went through all of that for nothing.
14th October 2008
Went to see my GP again. Thought I would try and get him to refer me to a gynaecologist. Turns out that my scan was not normal. (You would have thought that he would have rang me to ask me to come in? Not just wait til I did, hat would have happened if I didn't bother going back?)
Apparently the ultrasound technician noticed some abnormalities in the womb lining. Her suggestion was Adenomiosis.
Wednesday 22 October 2008
Sunday 19 October 2008
My beautiful niece.
1 April 2006
It wasn't until my niece was born that I began to think about my pain again. Holding that gorgeous person in my arms, my heart ached with longing. All I could think of nothing but having my own childs tiny figures clasping mine as I nestled it into my bossom.
As I spent more and more time with my niece people kept commenting on how natural I was with her. How comfortable I looked with her and how relaxed she became when I held her. I began to feel that womanly need for a child. I kept thinking about how amazing a mum I would be. And I know I would be great.
Yet that pain was still there and had actually gotten worse since I had last spoke to my GP about it. So I booked myself in for another appointment. Determined this time to get a proper answer.
14th April 2006
Again the GP expressed his half hearted concern. This time he decided to change my Pill and send me for some hormone tests. His thought was that a hormone imbalance was causing painful ovulations. Not sure I can really explain that one myself, but thats what he thought. So agin I trusted him and went for ome blood tests.
21st April 2006
I phoned the doctor surgery for the results of my tests. Hoping that this would be the answer and we could work on fixing it.
Sadly no, everything was fine. No more, no less was said.
I began to think that maybe this was all in my head. Was constantly thinking about this pain actually making it worse? They say that about things like toothache, "Don't think about it too much or it will just hurt more."
So I tried again to forget about it and just get on with my life.
It wasn't until my niece was born that I began to think about my pain again. Holding that gorgeous person in my arms, my heart ached with longing. All I could think of nothing but having my own childs tiny figures clasping mine as I nestled it into my bossom.
As I spent more and more time with my niece people kept commenting on how natural I was with her. How comfortable I looked with her and how relaxed she became when I held her. I began to feel that womanly need for a child. I kept thinking about how amazing a mum I would be. And I know I would be great.
Yet that pain was still there and had actually gotten worse since I had last spoke to my GP about it. So I booked myself in for another appointment. Determined this time to get a proper answer.
14th April 2006
Again the GP expressed his half hearted concern. This time he decided to change my Pill and send me for some hormone tests. His thought was that a hormone imbalance was causing painful ovulations. Not sure I can really explain that one myself, but thats what he thought. So agin I trusted him and went for ome blood tests.
21st April 2006
I phoned the doctor surgery for the results of my tests. Hoping that this would be the answer and we could work on fixing it.
Sadly no, everything was fine. No more, no less was said.
I began to think that maybe this was all in my head. Was constantly thinking about this pain actually making it worse? They say that about things like toothache, "Don't think about it too much or it will just hurt more."
So I tried again to forget about it and just get on with my life.
Why couldn't they find anything?
I suppose I should start from the begining, when I first realised that there was a problem.
20th Feb, 2005.
I finally plucked up the courage to go to my GP to discuss this pain that I have been getting. I'm not entirely sure when it began I think it's been there for a long time but had only just begun getting worse. It was an awful gut renching pain inside my right hip, just about where my right ovary should be.
GP decides that he should examine me, so it's up onto the bed and legs spread. The poor man, I kicked him in the head when he touched me internally, the pain was excruciating. He asked whether there was a chance I could be pregnant, which was unlikely as I had been on the Pill since I was 13. (No I was not a slapper, it was to control my heavy, irregular periods.) Yet he tells me to go home and do a pregnancy test and come back to him in the morning.
I felt sick going and buying a pregnancy test. Scared because I was only 17 and worried about what my boyfriend of 4 months would say. Yet, in the back of my mind there was a kind of hope. A thought that maybe if I was this wouldn't be too bad.
My hands were shaking whilst I waited for the result to come up, but no I was not pregnant. I was actually a bit disappointed. On the walk back for the chemist I kept thinking about all the possibilities, what I would do when I found out I was pregnant.
21st Feb 2005
I went back to my GP first thing in the morning. I told him the result of the test. He was still concerned about a possible eptopic pregnancy so he told me to go to my local hospital and have an ultrasound scan.
22nd Feb 2005
On the journey to the hospital the thought of having a baby returned. If the GP thought that this was what was causing all this pain then maybe I was. I kept wondering whether or not they would be able to rescue my baby. Was it possible?
I laid on the bed nervously as the nurse began the scan. But no, there was no baby. In fact she could not even locate my right ovary. She then did an internal ultrasound, (now this is not a nice experience.) but she was still unable to locate it. I asked her why not, she told me that she also could not find my right fallopian tube so she guessed that I didn't have one.
One ovary? How could I only have one? Then where was this pain from?
23rd Feb 2005
Yet another visit to the GP. We discussed what the nurse had said, and he agreed that it was entirely possible, but that it should not affect me too much. The pain he put down to a groin strain and told me to jsut relax and have some bed rest to allow it to recover.
In hindsight I should never have taken this explanation. I should have pushed for further tests to be done. But, I was young and believed the GP would know what he was talking about.
Over the next few months I tried to forget about this pain and rested as much as I could. The pain was still there though, so I took ibprofen and carried on with life.
20th Feb, 2005.
I finally plucked up the courage to go to my GP to discuss this pain that I have been getting. I'm not entirely sure when it began I think it's been there for a long time but had only just begun getting worse. It was an awful gut renching pain inside my right hip, just about where my right ovary should be.
GP decides that he should examine me, so it's up onto the bed and legs spread. The poor man, I kicked him in the head when he touched me internally, the pain was excruciating. He asked whether there was a chance I could be pregnant, which was unlikely as I had been on the Pill since I was 13. (No I was not a slapper, it was to control my heavy, irregular periods.) Yet he tells me to go home and do a pregnancy test and come back to him in the morning.
I felt sick going and buying a pregnancy test. Scared because I was only 17 and worried about what my boyfriend of 4 months would say. Yet, in the back of my mind there was a kind of hope. A thought that maybe if I was this wouldn't be too bad.
My hands were shaking whilst I waited for the result to come up, but no I was not pregnant. I was actually a bit disappointed. On the walk back for the chemist I kept thinking about all the possibilities, what I would do when I found out I was pregnant.
21st Feb 2005
I went back to my GP first thing in the morning. I told him the result of the test. He was still concerned about a possible eptopic pregnancy so he told me to go to my local hospital and have an ultrasound scan.
22nd Feb 2005
On the journey to the hospital the thought of having a baby returned. If the GP thought that this was what was causing all this pain then maybe I was. I kept wondering whether or not they would be able to rescue my baby. Was it possible?
I laid on the bed nervously as the nurse began the scan. But no, there was no baby. In fact she could not even locate my right ovary. She then did an internal ultrasound, (now this is not a nice experience.) but she was still unable to locate it. I asked her why not, she told me that she also could not find my right fallopian tube so she guessed that I didn't have one.
One ovary? How could I only have one? Then where was this pain from?
23rd Feb 2005
Yet another visit to the GP. We discussed what the nurse had said, and he agreed that it was entirely possible, but that it should not affect me too much. The pain he put down to a groin strain and told me to jsut relax and have some bed rest to allow it to recover.
In hindsight I should never have taken this explanation. I should have pushed for further tests to be done. But, I was young and believed the GP would know what he was talking about.
Over the next few months I tried to forget about this pain and rested as much as I could. The pain was still there though, so I took ibprofen and carried on with life.
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